The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached
to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather
than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as
EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead
of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.
Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be
growing publik emthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be
replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent
shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which
have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would
go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by z" and "w" by v
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to
ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find
it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
